Be different, Be brave, Be your self

Last couple of years I’ve been hearing from people that i’m weird, odd, different, unusual, That they can’t put me in any box, that they can not label me with any label. It’s funny, because in the past I used to feel this way as well. Though I think I always could cover it up very well. In a way I must be a great actor, because I could fit into any group. I could be what the other wanted me to be. That is a superpower. But it is not so beneficial when it controls you, or better said: when you allow others to control you.

I always thought I had a sense of who I was, until I started this path of self transformation. It was my false sense of self that kept confirming that it knew itself. Where actually the real self is nothing like it. When you are just yourself, you don’t have to go looking for yourself anymore.

But I have stripped myself partly off my former identity. The core of who I am, is set in stone. It is unchangeable. But all that I was not, the false self, crumbled away. I had to confront myself. See myself ‘naked’. Over and over again. Because no, the process is not done and definitely not finished. But slowly, slowly, I get a real sense of what it is to be me. Some days better than others. And in one situation it is more clear then in another. It’s hard, It’s though, It’s painful, but oh God. There is nothing more satisfying to see yourself, as you really are. To see yourself growing into a more loving human being. To care less about what others might think of you and being less sensitive to their projections and opinions.  Continue reading Be different, Be brave, Be your self

Pain and human emotions

Pain is something we all feel and it is very real. Sometimes pain can be overwhelming. I’m not speaking about physical pain, but more the emotional/spiritual pain. As a human I find it a challenge to be open about my emotions. I find it a challenge to talk about the kind of pain i’m experiencing. I don’t always get the feeling that there is a place for emotions in our society. From a young age we were taught that we are supposed to stand tall and fight against our emotions. If you show them you are labeled as weak or soft, or you have ‘lost control’. When you do show your emotions in public, people think something horrible happened to you, because it is an exception to see someone expressing his or her emotions outside on the street. As a guy it is even more of a challenge, because the main idea about a man is that he needs to be a warrior, a fighter. It is this twisted concept that causes a big part of my pain as well. Continue reading Pain and human emotions