Who else, is afraid to speak their truth like me? Who else feels not good enough to be heard by others? Who else disqualifies him/herself and undermines their own strength by holding back and making them self small? Who else has these urges to speak up in groups or on social media but is afraid to be judged by others?
I have been posting a lot here in Facebook and I even spoke in front of a camera. But sometimes I have these periods where I turn into my hermit mode and don’t want to come out, because I got scared again. It’s not even that someone of somebody said anything wrong. It is my own mind telling me lies. The fear that i’m not being loved or not being or doing good enough, are dangerous ingredients for the fear of living.
Often I write something and I find It for example not good enough (a mix of perfectionism + a low self esteem), or I tell myself that others are not ready for this kind of information. Or I undermine myself by asking questions like what is the purpose of doing this, what is in it for me? why am I doing this? And this causes me to go into deep processes where the universe shows me and reminds me exactly why I’m posting all of this stuff. I allow myself (sometimes i’m being forced) to look at these ‘dark’ (shadow) questions, because it teaches me strength, resilience, self love and to embrace my fears.
I used to expect recognition, I used to expect opportunities or money flowing in. I used to expect likes and so many other things that my ego mind desired. And when I look back at myself, I see a very “normal” attitude for a human being living in the Western World today. Usually when we give something to someone, we expect consciously or unconsciously something in return. It can be either a smile, or a thank you, a present, a like, a thumb up, a pet on the back, or whatever. It is how most people are raised.
When the ‘return’ did not show up, as I thought that I wanted, I started question and sabotaging myself. I would become nervous, anxious, and my self confidence would drop. Mostly this would happen because of self criticism and talking myself down in a very, very, nasty way. In a way I would not even speak to my enemies, but I would talk like that to myself. (and sometimes I secretly still do) I am learning through my circumstances, life experiences and by the universe to give, without expecting something in return. To still feel good and to love myself, even if no one appreciates it.
From the ego perspective we always tend to think we are the only one that is suffering. And that our suffering is unique. That nobody understands us. These are all false believes. That is why I feel guided to open myself up. I know that for me this is the right thing to do. Others might be encouraged to open up as well. For the very brave I challenge you to write on social media about your fears, your story, your success but mostly of your “failures”. Slowly we are becoming more aware of our fears. When this becomes the new normal, we actually shine light on the darkness inside.
We all try to look good in the eyes of the other. At the same time we create this false image that we have of each other. Of course I used to play this game too and yes, sometimes I still play my not-authentic self. For example when I am intimidated and afraid of someone else, I try to hide myself behind a mask.
The moral of my story is that everyone has a true story to tell. In fact: everyone is living a story.
You too have a story to tell, but what is holding you back? What are your fears? Why are you afraid to share your story? What blocks you? Are you willing to do something about it?
If yes? Then this is your confirmation that something can be done. The only thing is that you have to do it. Nobody is coming to save you from your fears. Nobody will tell your story for you. But together we can drop the masks that we are holding towards each other. We are able to live a truthful and authentic life, by dropping the masks that life is only about flowers and sunshine. By seeing and sharing our personal darkness, we illuminate it into the light.
The fears I’m facing are quite common. But how could I know this if everyone shuts up and is quite about his or her inner world? Of what is really going on under the surface? The world is changing and is asking for people to actively speak up. Not to argue, not to compete, not for the purpose of comparing, not to gain something, but simply to share their story and to learn from one another. In the end that is one of the things that gives value and meaning to our lives. We listen to stories, we tell stories and we learn from them.
Share your beautiful story, heart and mind and see your own uniqueness. See your beauty, by stepping outside of your comfort zone. Transform your fears and dare to drop your masks. This is one of the ways how we transform this world into a more open, honest, transparent and beautiful paradise. I came out of my cave again, for now.
I dare you to speak your truth, your story, your experience, your inner world, in words, pictures, paintings and to share it with others.
Who is up for the challenge?
Viva Lá Soul 