The irony of perfection

Who is it that decides what perfect is?
Who are you to judge that something is not perfect?
The irony of perfection is that it is a concept,
Some ‘thing’ that many strive for and yet nobody knows exactly what it is.
Perfection is an image, It is an abstract concept
Not one definition of perfection is  the same, because one simple reason.
Perfection is subjective.
Perfection is an opinion.
Perfection is not a fact.
It is quite hard to satisfy an opinion. One day you like blue and the next day you might like red. So what will it be?
Opinions are changeable like the dutch weather and therefore not very reliable. 

Many say that the dark, the shadow is not perfect. The experience of these not so nice experiences makes people think that only joy, fun, light and beauty can be perfect. I believe that It is human to dismiss the dark aspects. We tend to gravitate towards the light.
I believe that many people are living in fear regarding their own shadow aspects. It is unknown and because of that it is scary. They blame themselves, they guilt trip, beat themselves up and even harm themselves. Consciously or unconsciously. Because of all the fears and the striving for perfection.
The desire for perfection, to make something perfect, or even the desire to be perfect, is often an extra weight that makes things more complicated than they were. I understand the need to make ‘more’ and or ‘better’ out of something. It keeps us moving forward. On the other side I also understand that perfection can work in the opposite direction than intended. The opposite of forward movement is freezing. For me, the need of perfection is able to freeze me sometimes completely. I want to do or to say the right thing, but then I do not actually know what is right for that situation. Then the self judgement kicks in and the doubt starts to take over. Suddenly I find myself in a position that nothing what I do is good enough. The self criticizing judgement paralyses and dismisses all actions. In the end the attitude of “if it is not good, then why doing it at all” Kicks in and makes the story complete.
This kind of perception is very destructive  because it puts myself in a cage, while swallowing the keys. 

The only solution to break out of the  cage is to be PRESENT and to observe the mind, without interfering. Without asking question. Just allowing the thoughts and the feelings to be felt and be seen. Going with conscious attention to the heart and focussing there helps the mind to focus on the feelings and to distract from the thoughts. As I do this while writing this article. I see that my motives to be perfect come forth from: ‘satisfying the other’, wanting to be ‘recognized’ the fear of being rejected’, etc, etc. These programs may always be on the background. When I center myself again though, these unhealthy perceptions about perfection flow away. It simply dissolves with time. In the light fear can not hold on. In the light of presence fear has no chance of surviving, because fear needs darkness. Ignorance is food for fear. Now a more real sense of perfection arises. Namely that feeling when you are living completely in the here and now. Where all the forces are combined within. Where things are balanced and where everything is just oke as it is. When the inner silence is dominating all the distractions, all the negative self talk just evaporates into the lightness of presence. 

Don’t forget that we can only know the high peaks, because we have somewhere a memory of the low lows. When we dismiss the shadow, we are incomplete. When we say that dark stuff only happens to “bad” people. You are in denial of a part of your own being. The dark is not bad. The dark is a void from where people can commit “bad” action. It is easier to commit a crime in the dark, because no one sees you. The dark is not only related to crimes, but also to negativity, hate, judgement, control, manipulation, violence, etc. The night in itself is not bad. So why would the dark be? It is just the opposite of light and has its own core values and lessons. The shadow embraces and surrounds the light and is an intrinsic part of the light. Without the shadow there is no light and therefore the light on its own is perfect but not complete. Same is for the dark: it is perfect in itself but incomplete without the light. 

Perfection for me is: accepting off all that is. Without opinion, without judgement. It is the sum of all that is in a particular moment and situation. When you can look at a situation and just conclude that it is…Well, how perfect is that?

I realise that there is a lot of freedom to acquire for me when I find perfection in the imperfect. When I don’t have to judge the experience anymore. I realise that It is a matter of changing the perception to see the same from the other side.The other side of the moon is still the moon, without it the other side, the moon could not exist. It is as perfect as the side that we see. What happens when you deny that the other side exist, because you don’t know it? Than you also deny the completeness, the wholeness of the moon.

So in other words,….
Perfection IS

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Jaron Tamam

Read my blog to discover a part of who I am. If you have any questions or suggestions, please contact me on

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