Pain and human emotions

Pain is something we all feel and it is very real. Sometimes pain can be overwhelming. I’m not speaking about physical pain, but more the emotional/spiritual pain. As a human I find it a challenge to be open about my emotions. I find it a challenge to talk about the kind of pain i’m experiencing. I don’t always get the feeling that there is a place for emotions in our society. From a young age we were taught that we are supposed to stand tall and fight against our emotions. If you show them you are labeled as weak or soft, or you have ‘lost control’. When you do show your emotions in public, people think something horrible happened to you, because it is an exception to see someone expressing his or her emotions outside on the street. As a guy it is even more of a challenge, because the main idea about a man is that he needs to be a warrior, a fighter. It is this twisted concept that causes a big part of my pain as well.

You see, we are all good in pretending. Under the thick walls we’ve build around ourselves, underneath the layers and masks we are wearing, we are actually all very vulnerable. We are like little children, not exactly knowing what we are doing here on earth. Though we act as if we know. It is more comfortable to behave in this way. Because of this acting, many aspects of what it is to be a human being are suppressed. We hide it for others and even for ourselves. Our emotions are not to be shown out in the open. Because of this suppression, children grow up with a distortive worldview. They don’t get to see a huge part of what it is to be human. What children experience on the inside is different then what the adults show on the outside. It brings a lot of confusion when they grow up and discover that they are emotional beings after all. Just like anybody else, but why is no one acknowledging this? 

I am a master in pretending that all is well too. And the funny thing is that I sometimes really believe that all is well, yet on other times I’m being torn apart from the inside out. Both are true and part of life. I realise that I can not not run from it and that I can not fight against it.

The way we treat each other, the way how mean humans are treating other humans, is painful to see. Or how humans don’t see each other, breaks my heart open. Let’s not begin about how humans slaughter each other, because I don’t have a word for that. All of this is because we don’t express our emotions in a constructive way. If our emotions are balanced, our reaction towards the deeds and words of others will be balanced. If emotions are suppressed, they will eventually abrupt like a volcano.

The realisation that I am also participating in not always being friendly towards others, is even more painful for me, because I have to live with myself. I know that transformation is a process, and I know that forgiveness is key. And I believe the future is bright, but that does not take away that we all carry our shadow sides with us. Until the shadow part is not seen, embraced, accepted and integrated into our personality, we will feel empty. It will show up on various moments, until we recognize that indeed it is a part of us that we can not ignore any longer. Once the shadow has been recognized and accepted, it is transformed. Our shadow parts is what often creates the unconscious pain and the discomfort in our lives. If there is no awareness of it, life can even become unbearable.  

Many things in society we try to make it collective. Money, or the economy is a collective issue. Health, apparently has become a social or collective issue. our retirement is organised collectively, however pain is something personal. So many people are in pain. They experience their own pain, but are also in pain because of our destruction of nature, or of the behaviour of another. When people are confronted with the pain of others, they get uncomfortable. It is no surprise, because we have never ever learned how to deal with that. There is a specialized and professional group of people in society that deal with the emotions and pain of clients. you pay and someone helps you. We expect the other to deal with our problems, because we have paid for it. The truth is that every man and woman has in the end the responsibility to transform their own sorrow and suffering into joy and happiness, or at least to neutrality. Nobody can do it for you. Others can only guide you, hold your hand while you cry your pain out of your body, others can direct you and advise you. others can be there for you and they can love you. But they can’t do the inner work for you. So be strong, and stay open for change. Together we will rise again in our true and full beauty as human beings,

Many blessings! 


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Jaron Tamam

My name is Jaron Tamam I was born in the Netherlands on 20 march 1991 see 'Who am I' on my website to read my story

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