Every single day I learn more about myself and about the world around me. It is not by surprise that I learn new things. I asked for it. For many years. I wanted to know who I was and what the purpose of me being here on earth is. Over time, I got some puzzle pieces thrown at me from my spirit team (you have a team too!! Go talk to them). There are a couple reasons why they only give pieces of the puzzle. 1) It is to overwhelming to get all the information at once and 2) There is no fun left to live for when you know everything.
A way for me to cope with my social anxiety is to do completely the opposite of what someone with social anxiety would normally do. Instead of hiding, I’m opening up. It is part of my learning experience in this Universe(ity). By opening up myself, there is not much I can hide for others. I can not hide behind shame, guilt, addictions, or fears. I share parts of myself as much as I can in the moment and in return I learn to overcome my fears and everything that stands in my way to feel freedom. It is a great deal!
At the same time my openness might trigger reactions within people. People like it, or they do not like it. All is fine. Their reaction is reflected back to me, which triggers me as well. When someone likes my work I’m glowing, when someone does not like my work, I start to wonder why and I start to doubt myself. I have become very aware of these triggers because they teach me something. These triggers keep me prisoner in certain (thought, emotional, behavioral) patterns. In this particular case it teaches me to stop caring of what people think me and my work. In the end everyone thinks and most of the people have an opinion. So staying stuck in this cycle is very toxic for myself. My openness can trigger some other reactions within you. On the other hand it might give a lot of strength and support to people who feel misunderstood, weird and outcast ed, or who feel strange in the presence of others . A lot of people on earth are very secretive about themselves. They hide what they truly feel. what they think, why they think. They try to defend their image for whatever reason. I understand where they are coming from, because I have been like that too. On the other hand it is very confusing for people like me who always saw through these masks and like to see a society where people are sincere. By opening myself up I hope to encourage others to open themselves up too.
Sharing about me isn’t really about me. Trust me when I say I’d rather live a life in complete privacy. That I’m very comfortable in my own comfortable cocoon. I experience that the universe is pushing me out of my cocoon though. That a part of my serving others is through sharing my story with the world. Often times I’m frightened by the idea that I share this kind of information about myself. Yes, while sharing, I am confronted with lots of fears and insecurities too. By sharing things about myself, I trigger these fears to come up. I want them to come up, because I know that when I’ve dealt with them, they are gone. Until the next layer shows up.
In fact, there is no end of dealing with fears and lessons. It is our task to collect tools and find ways to overcome our fears time after time. That is what makes us winners and warriors of life. We get hurt in the battle with ourselves, scratching our hearts open, but we get up…. We fall hard again. And we struggle to get up. In the end we stand straight and tall. We roar like tigers and tell the universe to bring it on!! and oh dear, she will give what you’ve asked for!! Out of love though. Not as punishment, but as a tests, only so that we become more whole in our selves. Only so that we grow as human beings. And yes, that often hurts a lot. Though it is rewarding as well. It adds some deeper meaning to life. It adds some spices and flavors to the dish. So if you want to be the cook of your life. Start opening yourself up towards yourself and others. You will find a lot hidden talents, pleasure, but also some damn spicy pains.