It sounds so easy when someone tells you to change. It sounds so easy when you decide to change something about yourself. Especially now in these times, many people talk about it, though not everyone is willing to make the effort or knows how to.
Lately, I have been trying to break all my habits that have kept me in my lower vibration. Everything that is not helping me to make progress in life, I am banning it from my lifestyle. Smoking and drinking are just two examples of what i’m working on at the moment. I have figured out that smoking and drinking are not so much the problem. They are actually the solution for a problem that was hiding underneath. Smoking and drinking were the cure against my lower self-esteem. They were tools so I could hide from the real issues. I never had to face these problems, because I could lit a cigarette and drink a glass of cold beer and when it finished, i would order another one. Especially drinking big amounts of alcohol results in not taking responsibility for oneself. Every time you drink a glass, you basically say yes to yourself. The same counts for cigarettes. The moments where you would say no to yourself, rarely exist. To love yourself, means that you are able to say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ towards yourself, towards habits, people and to life in general. Absolute self love consist of a total balance on a daily base, between everything that exists.
Since I have stopped with these habits, multiple issues came up into my awareness because they wanted to be healed. For years they had been hidden underneath a thick layer of smog. Suddenly I felt super vulnerable, insecure and awkward with groups of people and even with my friends. The fear of rejection arose, the fear of being boring for others, or being judged for who I am. The fear of being ridiculed by people and much more. The conversations that I had were awkward, while usually i’m pretty talkative and this is how most people know me too. However, this change confuses the people around me. If I don’t drink if i don’t obey the culture, how can I be friends with them?
It’s a cultural thing
There is no hiding anymore behind a cigarette, there is no drowning anymore in a sip of beer. Standing in a bar with empty hands and people look at you as if something is wrong with you. You start to doubt yourself and before you know you find yourself in a downward thought spiral. Friends, family and strangers try to make you smoke and they try to feed you beer. You are simply not a part of the group once you have decided to take care of yourself. It is a strange feeling when people judge you for not joining them with their habits. As if they are not comfortable doing these things on their own. It has become a collective habit. Drinking has become like a secret handshake. Every group has created their own culture with it. Drinking fast, drinking as much as possible, as fancy as possible or on certain days of the week. Everyone talks about how bad smoking is and how damaging alcohol is, while taking another puff of their cigarette and watering their mouth with some fresh beer.
I personally don’t believe these things are intrinsic bad. Both drinking and smoking, are actually medicines for unresolved problems. Like with every medicine, whenever you abuse it, it will become an addiction. When you are addicted to something, doesn’t matter what it is, you will automatically abandon the need to take care of the underlying problems that caused the addiction and you won’t be aware of them anymore, until the day you stop the habit.
It is impossible to lead a conscious life while at the same time you are in need of something outside of yourself. It took me a long long time to discover this for myself. Yes, people told me these things are ‘bad’ for you. But that didn’t made any difference in the way they were part of my life. The ego mind would justify the actions by overloading me with fears like: “you will lose your friends, people won’t like you anymore, you need this drink/cigarette to enjoy yourself, etc.
I was like them and now I’m not
Don’t get me wrong here. I truly understand all sides of this story now, honestly, because I was like that too. I have been drinking and smoking for years. I used to tell people that they are boring if they wouldn’t order an alcoholic beverage. I told them how uncool it was that they wouldn’t smoke a cigarette and with a smile on my face I would ask if they wanted to start smoking. Back then, this was how far my consciousness could reach. Not knowing how hard it is for a person to say no. Especially to say no to things that are so integrated into society and is labeled as normal. It has even been so much accepted, that you are looked at as if you are seriously ill. The roles have literately changed. Drinking is something you ‘just’do, when you found some sort of reason. This reason is found quite easily I have noticed. And before you know, you drink alcohol, every single day of the week.
The universe reflects my behavior of the past back to me now. And I see, I agree, it is the only way to truly understand what I did back then. Though, because I played that role back than, it is easier for me to recognize this group behavior of controlling and trying to pull people into your addiction. I see both sides now very clear, because I have experienced both sides. Neither side is better, wrong, right or evil. In the end we just play roles and we are setting up tests for the others. Now it is my time to resist all temptations and to pass for the test, so a new reality can be created by me, for me.
Let me be clear: I’m not saying here that anybody should stop doing what they are doing. That everyone has to stop smoking and stop drinking and that it is all bad for you. No, not at all. When your time has come to change, you will know. The universe will send all kind of signs to you that it is time to stop. Smoking and drinking are suddenly not so interesting anymore. Your desire towards it shrinks, because suddenly it doesn’t feel right anymore. The universe will softly guide you towards another lifestyle, another way of doing things. It will provide in all your needs during and after this personal shift. Yes you might loose some friends who judge you, you might need to cancel some fun experiences in order to stay in your own power, but there will come new things in return, once you allow it to happen. The universe will (always) have your back and all your guides and angels will give you all their support and all their power, so you will be able to stand in your power. Once you discover this power, only the sky will be the limit.